Forgiveness

When Jessi and I started talking about doing a series on our top 10 “tips” on co-parenting it took me a while to put together my half of the list. 📝 🤔
I thought about our entire co-parenting journey from beginning to end... the good, the bad, and the ugly.
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What I realized on my trip down memory lane was that those memories that are in “the ugly” category didn’t make me cringe anymore. They didn’t evoke anger. They didn’t make me want to re-hash those events with Jessi. They didn’t create any emotional at all, really and then the light bulb turned on 💡
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Forgiveness
I had forgiven Jessi
I had forgiven Jordan
I had forgiven myself
I had forgiven the situation
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There was a time when a friend innocently asking how things were going with the kids’ mom would lead me on a trip reliving each transgression and triggering all the emotions. 

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Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Regret. Vengeance. Fear. Pain.
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It triggered me to have those strong emotions again and would drag me 5 steps backward on my path to finding a healthy mind set in our co-parenting relationship.

I was sabotaging myself by holding onto all that emotion. I was sabotaging our co-parenting relationship. I was sabotaging my relationship with my kids. All unknowingly.  

I’d be lying if I tried to sell you on the idea that I just “let it all go”. I’m not Elsa. I couldn’t just let it go like that  ❄️ 

What I can tell you is that forgiveness and the freedom it provides is worth all the work it takes.

It takes time 🕰 

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It takes support. Bless my husband for dealing with my anger and emotions long after he had dealt with his own 💙

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It takes changing your perspective...Will this matter in 10 years? In 5 years? Next year? Next week? If it won’t, then it’s not worth your time being upset about it

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It takes choosing a tribe that is there for the right reasons. I let go of those friends and family asking how things were going just to get their daily dose of gossip. I surrounded myself with people who genuinely cared about my family and our journey. Those who didn’t stoke the fire that was my emotion and gave me some tough love and advice. ❤️ 

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But, how can I forgive someone who had hurt me? How can I treat someone with respect who had disrespected me, my husband, and my kiddos? I struggled with those questions for years.

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The thing is, forgiveness doesn’t mean what the other person did is okay. It doesn’t validate their bad actions. It doesn’t discredit the fact you have a right to be offended or hurt or upset by their actions.

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Quite the opposite actually - it frees you from allowing those feelings to steal your ability to be happy. It allows you to move on and create healthy relationships with your kiddos, your spouse, your ex, your spouse’s ex, whoever, without the relationships being tainted by negative feelings.

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A positive relationship cannot be built on negative ground

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A strong relationship cannot be built on shaky ground

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Forgiveness it the first step to a positive and firm foundation to begin building a co-parenting family.

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It won’t be easy but I can promise you that if you can find a way to allow yourself to experience forgiveness it opens up a whole new world to build the trust and communication needed in a healthy co-parenting relationship 

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“The Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive.” Colossians 3:13